Hello
by Hikaru a
Summary: Sirius narrative. That's all I can say without giving anything away. CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU HAVE FINISHED THE BOOK!


Hello  
By Hikaru

Summary: SPOILERS FOR ORDER OF THE PHOENIX! Sirius narrative.

Notes:  
By writing this, I'm trying to cope with the ending of the book. Do NOT read any further if you haven't read the book. I don't want to spoil the ending for ANYONE.

  
_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
Hello I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday _

- Evanescence  
_"Hello"_  


  
It's a funny thing when you die. Well, okay-- not very funny _ha ha_. After all, you are _dead_. There's nothing that will bring you back from being dead. You will always be dead. Once your done, you're done. But there was something funny about _my_ death. All too sudden. I hadn't even believed it for a moment. Bellatrix's sparks hitting me on the chest. I felt them hit. Red sparks burning where they landed. There was no denying it. I was dead. But for a fleeting moment, just a moment, I couldn't believe it. How on earth had this _Death Eater_ ever get the best of me, Sirius Black?

Of all people... me.

To be on the run for so long, only to be killed while in the very vicinity that I had been trying to avoid for the past fourteen years. Talk about ironic.

But I wasn't afraid. If I were afraid of death, I would have never gone to revenge James and Lily that fateful night. If death had kept me up at night, I wouldn't have risked it just to share brief moments of Harry's life. If life was important...

But it was important.…

To one boy, at least.

Harry. I was all that was left for him. Foolish enough was I, not to listen to Dumbledore's words. Staying at my house, I would have been perfectly safe. Alive. To be there for Harry when the time came. But it was too late for regrets. Selfish actions, maybe. My worry for Harry took over. James would have done the same thing, were he in my position. Oddly enough, the regret wasn't even for myself. They were for Harry. Regret. Things I would never get to tell him about his parents. Stories I had not yet been able to share. I wanted to just be able to tell him right then and there. To ease the pain of everything.

He would bear all the guilt on himself, that much I knew. Leave it to Harry to blame everything on himself. But it was my choice to come. My choice. Don't blame yourself Harry. Don't shed tears for my sacrifice. Your hands aren't stained with my blood. Keep them clean.

Had I failed again? Failed Harry the same way that I failed James? I tried, Prongs. I really did.

If Harry ever saw my body-- no, Moony would see to it that he would not. And Moony, fair Moony. He would be able to tell Harry things. And he would, I knew. Now that I had fallen, he was the only remaining person who could tell Harry about his parents. The personal things. Things that wasn't common knowledge. Better he, than the git Snape or Wormtail the bastard. Moony, who had told me to stay at the house and wait-- he had warned me. Lupin had always had a much cooler head than mine. But he wouldn't hold this rash decision against me. He never did; not even in the face of death. I always thought it would be him before me. And I would be out there, chasing the murderer-- to kill them with my own hands, like I had with the murderer of Lily and James. But Moony wasn't the one for revenge. His revenge would be to make sure that my sacrifice wasn't in vain. He would protect Harry now. Probably better than I ever did.

The curse hurt like hell for the last whisks of my life. A burning fire that strangled you from the outside, in. Wouldn't recommend it, really. At least- yes, I had helped Harry survive once more. I had helped save him and helped the Order. My last adventure. My life had served a purpose. And when this was all over, Harry would still carry me in his thoughts. And that was a reassuring feeling, that.

It was now impossible to breathe. This was it. How slow time seemed now that I was dying. Everything seemed so slow. I was losing control.

Falling.

Once again, my rashness got me in trouble.

Falling.

At least this would be the last time.

Falling.

Everything had gone cold. The pain from Bellatrix's curse was now gone. But the pain from what the last thing I ever heard hurt more than anything Bellatrix could have ever cast on me. As I stepped away from the world, from the living, I could hear the cries of Harry-- so distant. "SIRIUS!" The pain in his voice, the sadness, brought even more pain to my heart. But screaming for me would do no good.

Don't cry for me, Harry. Run. RUN! Bottle that anger. Save your emotions--your love--for the final fight.

And don't forget, my sacrifice. Don't forget anything.

I love you, Harry.

  
_Fin_

  
Notes:  
And if anyone thinks that last line is ANYTHING bad, I HATE YOU! He was his Godfather, for crying out loud! Even Harry saw him as a father/brother figure. They loved one another, even if it was never said. I meant NOTHING funny about that line.

I didn't expect this to be long. I was actually trying to keep it under 1000 words. It clocked in at 798. Dragging it out any further would have unrealistic- the curse was supposed to be an instant thing. Consider this fic as a bridge from second 1 to second 2, where I forgot to breathe.

I was--no, still am--very distraught over Sirius' fate. This fic has let me release some of my anger towards all of it. We will miss you Padfoot.


End file.
